If there are two things that are pretty much guaranteed to make anybody’s blood boil on a daily basis, they are as follows: 1) Escalators. 2. Elevators. More specifically, it’s the lack of consistent etiquette that accompanies them.
I won’t lie, I’ve unintentionally been the culprit in many of these scenarios, and it’s likely induced much wrath and many a stink eye!
So, for your reference and mine, here is a Coles Notes guide on how to survive in the increasingly impatient world of pedestrians:
Unless you’re elder, pregnant, injured, wearing an extremely high pair of heels, or legitimately unable to do so, YOU MUST WALK ON THE ESCALATOR. It is not the time to check your
The same rules apply to travelators — a name the always adorable Brits have given to the moving walkways in airports. These walkways were very specifically designed for people like me — people every airline HATES because we arrive ten minutes before boarding and desperately depend on any conveyor that will help project us to the finish line before the plane pulls away from the gate.
If you’re standing on a moving walkway for more than five seconds and you’re still alive, you’ve probably accidentally taken a ride on the baggage carousel. Otherwise, my advice is as follows: TUCK AND ROLL! Because it’s only a matter of time before the perpetually late person behind you catches up. If they’re carrying a Blackberry/briefcase combo, the stakes just went up, my friend. There’s probably a double dropkick that’s already been launched in your direction.
When an elevator arrives to whisk you off your feet to your next errand, obligation or activity, you must first STEP AWAY FROM THE DOORS. There is a group of people inside that elevator who just had to avoid conversation and watch the weather network screen for an entire ride. Needless to say, they are equally as happy for those doors to open, and any interference in their exit will promptly unite them for your defeat.
On the flip side, if you wait several seconds for somebody to step out of an elevator when the doors open and nobody moves? STROLL ON IN, PAL. Your new travel buddy may burn you with their laser eyes when they awake from their trance to realize they just missed their only chance of escape, but it’s too late. They’re now accompanying you to whatever damn floor you need to go to. You just better pray they weren’t en route to buy their morning coffee. Or that they don’t have a knife in their boot.
Finally, when you’re standing at the front of an elevator and it stops on a floor before yours without picking anybody up, don’t be fooled into believing that somebody on said floor changed their mind. There are people BEHIND you that need to get out, and they’re probably about to crumple you into a ball and throw you down the scary crack by the elevator doors that leads to the core of the earth. To avoid this scenario, swiftly move to your immediate right. Or left. Either way, you’ll always move to the wrong side first, but it’s the effort that counts.
Alas, when it comes to the topic of escalators and elevators, this video makes it to the top of my list. Here is my absolute FAVORITE Rick Mercer rant: